Monday, July 7, 2014

Team Girl





" The woman who does not require validation is the most feared woman on the planet" -najumi


I have never been a girly girl.
I grew up with 5 brothers wearing their hand me down clothes.
When my best friend and neighbor got a brand new banana seat bicycle with streamers and a basket, I got the hand me down big wheel.
I relate better to boys and their, what seems to be, less complicated relationships. How many times have I heard myself saying "I just don't like the drama that comes with woman".

Than the other day something happened - I watched "Bride wars" and I was in tears thinking of my girlfriends.
 You see that same neighbor that had the banana seat bicycle when we were 6, , is still to this day my very best friend.
She and I stomped through elementary school together, survived middle and high school together, drove across country to college together, stood as each others maids of honors on our wedding days and are now both raising families (2 of which had the SAME due date ) and married to pastors in Greenville South Carolina.
My best friend has more memories and experiences with me than my own family and my husband. As I think through my life I recognize now that you can not replace the beauty of sweet girlfriends in your life.
Doing ministry with women and raising a middle school girl I have been so grieved especially in the last few months as I watch girls and woman tear each other apart. Satan has gotten wind of the powerful truth that he can take a woman's insecurities and use them to destroy each other. 

A beautiful woman enters a new friend group and is instantly sized up and ostracized. An intelligent woman is given a new position at work and the woman in her life resent her. The object of one girls affection asks out another girl instantly making her a target. Relationships with men are constantly prioritized over relationships with each other.

All of these scenarios I have watched happen as of recent and each time a little voice in my head has screamed "No!"
Ladies don't you see it? The enemy is rejoicing as we size each other up. 

Another woman's beauty does not take away from mine. Another woman's intelligence does not take away from mine. THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION.

We all live our lives in a line, where we’re always looking ahead and feeling jealous of those who are in front of us, then looking behind and feeling superior over those who are behind us. And we like it that way, as long as we’re moving up.*

This happens ladies when we find our identity in something worldly.
 If our identity is in our boyfriend or the attention we get from a crush and another woman threatens that? Tear her down.
 If our identity is found in our beauty and a beautiful woman enters our community? If our identity is found in our fastest mile or our latest PR at the gym and a stronger woman beats it? If our identity is found in our children and another woman's children excel?
Tear her down, talk about her , pick her apart. Does this make you feel better?

The saddest part to me ladies is the relationships we are losing and missing out on. What if I had torn my fellow six year old friend apart when she rolled up in her streamer bearing bicycle? Or in High school when she made the drill team and I didn't? The idea that I would have missed out on the sweetest memories and three decade friendship is frightening.

Please ladies lets stop living in the line with other woman, sizing each other up. There will ALWAYS be a stronger more beautiful intelligent woman - CHEER HER ON!  - I'm stepping out of the line and I'm quiting the game. You know why? Because we all win.

We all win because He loves us and has entrusted each of us with our own gifts we are all created in His image to NO credit of our own. We all win and the strength and accomplishments of others in the kingdom of God- only make us stronger.

I am happily now a girly girl. I have learned to cheer on a fellow woman and basque in their mighty beauty and accomplishments. Im quitting the game. #teamgirl




*steve wiens



Tuesday, February 4, 2014

"Help me Help you"

You cannot fulfill God's purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans. ” - Rick Warren

New years resolutions are in full swing and one of mine is to read the Bible in chronological order.
This goal, last week, had me mid Genesis reading about Lot.

As you may be familiar the story takes place when God decides to destroy Sodom and spare His servant Lot and his family. The Lord sends in angels to warn Lot of what is going to happen in an attempt to save his life.
The next verse is what struck me. Scripture tells us that after being warned to hurry and leave
"Lot Lingered". Yep.

Lot had two angels IN THE FLESH warning him that the city was going to be burned to the ground in a matter of minutes and he lingered?
What was he DOING? I wonder. Was he finishing his "Gomorrah Times" crossword? Still chiseling the new coffee table he promised his wife? What would cause an individual to linger in the face of such a warning?

I imagine the Lord watching this with a smirk on His face. "My sweet son Lot…I haven't warned anyone else of what I am about to do...your neighbors are still planning the block party. HELP ME HELP YOU. Take your family and get out buddy."
The second half of the verse is my favorite. "So the {angels} seized him by the hand and set him outside the city. The Lord being merciful to Him."
Wow. Sit back and take that in for a moment. The Lord was ALREADY sparing him, ALREADY warning him. He could have said "Seriously? Lot I've gone above and beyond here if you die it wasn't for lack of trying". But he reached in and DRAGGED Lot to His purposes.

How many times do I linger in the face of the Lords attempt to help me. How many times does the Lord whisper "sweet stubborn daughter. Help me help you."

But the most beautiful part? Our God doesn't stop there. My stubbornness or belief that I know better for my life doesn't throw off His plan. My failures and apprehensiveness to trust Him only lead Him to "take my hand and place me outside the city"

"Daughter please stop and rest" but I linger and end up being forced to rest with a snow day.
"Daughter please repent to the person you offended" but I linger and I end up being approached by the individual.

How gracious is our loving Father?
Nothing can stop His purposes for you.
Not even ourselves. He loves us enough to grab our hand and drag us to safety.
Thank you Jesus.





Saturday, January 11, 2014

Avoiding Catholic Schools and Traffic Laws.


"Is that fair? No. Its better than fair. Its Grace." - Andy Stanley


I grew up in South Florida where there is a large Jewish population. So large, in fact that most Jewish holidays were observed by the school system and this Protestant sun lover had a day off to hit the beach. It was a nice system.

You can imagine my surprise when I was pulled over for going 30 in a 15 mph school zone. 
In the need to defend myself I explained " but officer the sign clearly says 'on school days only", today is Yom Kipper, so I'm told, and there is no school". 
To which the officer curtly responded " Mam that was a Catholic school." and wrote me a rather large ticket. Defensive doesn't begin to describe how I felt. After all, I had a right to defend myself here!


I felt like I was on an episode of "Really?" with Seth Myers and Amy Poehler. REALLY?

As I drove away feeling that the justice system had done everything BUT provide justice, I clearly felt the spirit of the Lord calm me. If I had heard Him audibly it would have sounded something like:
"Jerushah…your defense here is justified I get it, but how many times HAVE you broken a traffic law and NOT been punished. What if that officer could have pulled up a secret camera to your entire driving career? Would you still be defensive?"
dangit. 

How many things in our life can we apply this to?  In ministry we are accused of things we didn't do quite often. Misunderstood, not given the benefit of the doubt, motives are questioned and rumors are spread. In many of these situations we find ourselves with a very valid and clear defense.
"you simply misunderstood me" or "That's actually not what happened at all."

If our every thought and action was played out on a screen for all to see we would be offending A lot more people A lot more often. Why? Because we are all sinners, we are all complicated, selfish, reactive people who are guilty of more that we will ever have to be accountable for by the Grace of Jesus.
So maybe this accusation isn't true or that rumor isn't true or you feel your motives were misinterpreted. How many times HAVE you been guilty? Aside from the work of Jesus Christ in our life we have NO DEFENSE. 

How disarming to our accuser if we simply apologize that our actions or words made a negative impression on them in any way. Seem unfair? Sometimes yes. 
However "Fair" isn't a concept Christians have much room to stand upon. The only blameless person who COULD have yelled "NO FAIR" is the same person who was falsely accused to the point of death on a cross for you and me.

"Its better than Fair. Its Grace"

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Let there be light: The inevitability of the steps

We work so hard to get somewhere, to realize a dream, to arrive at some destination, that we often forget that though some satisfaction may be waiting at the end of our endurance and effort, there is great and irreplaceable aliveness in the steps along the way.” 
― Mark Nepo



One of the upsides of working with so many people in their 20s is it seems that so many life changes happen in those years. I'm surrounded by people who are always searching always anticipating and quite frankly often discouraged. 

We had some friends over for new years eve and I had not had the opportunity to warn my husband that one of the dinner guests was coming solo because his plus one was no longer his plus one. 

As my husband excitedly asked where she was I cringed and watched as the individual explained…as best he knew how…that the relationship had ended. 

"I just don't want to hear 'she wasn't the one' anymore". 

I wanted to sit him and every discouraged single down and say but are you walking away asking the Lord to TEACH you. Are you opening your heart to what He is showing you? (I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted to hear that either).

I know I'm married and can't relate to that discouragement but I CAN relate to discouragement in general. I can relate to trying and trying and things simply not panning out. 

Heck I ran what was supposed to be my last marathon a few weeks ago. My training times were the best they had been. Through various circumstances I fell VERY short of my goal the day of the race. I was discouraged. OK fine maybe I still am. OK OK I can't even look at my medal. BUT I also learned what my 35 year old body needs to succeed next time. I learned the tweaks I need to make to my training. 


I was inspired the other day reading about Thomas Edison. Here is a man very familiar with things not materializing the way he had hoped. His outlook however was not that He failed, but that he was learning. 

"Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.”  

 Edison tried over 9,000 times to create the light bulb but with each failed attempt he walked away with having LEARNED something. 

"I have not failed. I have simply found 10,000 ways that don't work."

 Edison did not view his many attempts as failure but instead as an inevitable part of his process. Scripture TELLS us we are a work in the making. There is no way of " getting around " the process.


Lets walk away from our discouragements this year without failing to learn from them. 
Each failed relationship is an opportunity to see yourself better. Each argument with your loved ones allows you to walk away seeking a better understanding. 

Lets not look at our unmet desires and goals as failures. 

Lets look at them as steps. 


Maybe this wasn't a failed relationship for my friend.  Maybe this was a simply a step. 
Maybe my run wasn't a failure to meet my time, it was simply another training session, another step.