" The woman who does not require validation is the most feared woman on the planet" -najumi
I have never been a girly girl.
I grew up with 5 brothers wearing their hand me down clothes.
When my best friend and neighbor got a brand new banana seat bicycle with streamers and a basket, I got the hand me down big wheel.
I relate better to boys and their, what seems to be, less complicated relationships. How many times have I heard myself saying "I just don't like the drama that comes with woman".
Than the other day something happened - I watched "Bride wars" and I was in tears thinking of my girlfriends.
You see that same neighbor that had the banana seat bicycle when we were 6, , is still to this day my very best friend.
She and I stomped through elementary school together, survived middle and high school together, drove across country to college together, stood as each others maids of honors on our wedding days and are now both raising families (2 of which had the SAME due date ) and married to pastors in Greenville South Carolina.
My best friend has more memories and experiences with me than my own family and my husband. As I think through my life I recognize now that you can not replace the beauty of sweet girlfriends in your life.
Doing ministry with women and raising a middle school girl I have been so grieved especially in the last few months as I watch girls and woman tear each other apart. Satan has gotten wind of the powerful truth that he can take a woman's insecurities and use them to destroy each other.
A beautiful woman enters a new friend group and is instantly sized up and ostracized. An intelligent woman is given a new position at work and the woman in her life resent her. The object of one girls affection asks out another girl instantly making her a target. Relationships with men are constantly prioritized over relationships with each other.
All of these scenarios I have watched happen as of recent and each time a little voice in my head has screamed "No!"
Ladies don't you see it? The enemy is rejoicing as we size each other up.
Another woman's beauty does not take away from mine. Another woman's intelligence does not take away from mine. THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION.
We all live our lives in a line, where we’re always looking ahead and feeling jealous of those who are in front of us, then looking behind and feeling superior over those who are behind us. And we like it that way, as long as we’re moving up.*
This happens ladies when we find our identity in something worldly.
If our identity is in our boyfriend or the attention we get from a crush and another woman threatens that? Tear her down.
If our identity is found in our beauty and a beautiful woman enters our community? If our identity is found in our fastest mile or our latest PR at the gym and a stronger woman beats it? If our identity is found in our children and another woman's children excel?
Tear her down, talk about her , pick her apart. Does this make you feel better?
The saddest part to me ladies is the relationships we are losing and missing out on. What if I had torn my fellow six year old friend apart when she rolled up in her streamer bearing bicycle? Or in High school when she made the drill team and I didn't? The idea that I would have missed out on the sweetest memories and three decade friendship is frightening.
Please ladies lets stop living in the line with other woman, sizing each other up. There will ALWAYS be a stronger more beautiful intelligent woman - CHEER HER ON! - I'm stepping out of the line and I'm quiting the game. You know why? Because we all win.
I am happily now a girly girl. I have learned to cheer on a fellow woman and basque in their mighty beauty and accomplishments. Im quitting the game. #teamgirl
*steve wiens
