Avoiding Catholic Schools and Traffic Laws.

"Is that fair? No. Its better than fair. Its Grace." - Andy Stanley


I grew up in South Florida where there is a large Jewish population. So large, in fact that most Jewish holidays were observed by the school system and this Protestant sun lover had a day off to hit the beach. It was a nice system.

You can imagine my surprise when I was pulled over for going 30 in a 15 mph school zone. 

In the need to defend myself I explained " but officer the sign clearly says 'on school days only", today is Yom Kipper, so I'm told, and there is no school". 

To which the officer curtly responded " Mam that was a Catholic school." and wrote me a rather large ticket. Defensive doesn't begin to describe how I felt. After all, I had a right to defend myself here!

I felt like I was on an episode of "Really?" with Seth Myers and Amy Poehler. REALLY?

As I drove away feeling that the justice system had done everything BUT provide justice, I clearly felt the spirit of the Lord calm me. If I had heard Him audibly it would have sounded something like:

"Jerushah…your defense here is justified I get it, but how many times HAVE you broken a traffic law and NOT been punished. What if that officer could have pulled up a secret camera to your entire driving career? Would you still be defensive?"

dangit. 

How many things in our life can we apply this to?  In ministry we are accused of things we didn't do quite often. Misunderstood, not given the benefit of the doubt, motives are questioned and rumors are spread. In many of these situations we find ourselves with a very valid and clear defense.

"you simply misunderstood me" or "That's actually not what happened at all."

If our every thought and action was played out on a screen for all to see we would be offending A lot more people A lot more often. Why? Because we are all sinners, we are all complicated, selfish, reactive people who are guilty of more that we will ever have to be accountable for by the Grace of Jesus.

So maybe this accusation isn't true or that rumor isn't true or you feel your motives were misinterpreted. How many times HAVE you been guilty? Aside from the work of Jesus Christ in our life we have NO DEFENSE. 

How disarming to our accuser if we simply apologize that our actions or words made a negative impression on them in any way. Seem unfair? Sometimes yes. 

However "Fair" isn't a concept Christians have much room to stand upon. The only blameless person who COULD have yelled "NO FAIR" is the same person who was falsely accused to the point of death on a cross for you and me.

"Its better than Fair. Its Grace"

Let there be light: The inevitability of the steps

We work so hard to get somewhere, to realize a dream, to arrive at some destination, that we often forget that though some satisfaction may be waiting at the end of our endurance and effort, there is great and irreplaceable aliveness in the steps along the way.” 
― Mark Nepo


One of the upsides of working with so many people in their 20s is it seems that so many life changes happen in those years. I'm surrounded by people who are always searching always anticipating and quite frankly often discouraged. 

We had some friends over for new years eve and I had not had the opportunity to warn my husband that one of the dinner guests was coming solo because his plus one was no longer his plus one. 

As my husband excitedly asked where she was I cringed and watched as the individual explained…as best he knew how…that the relationship had ended. 

"I just don't want to hear 'she wasn't the one' anymore". 

I wanted to sit him and every discouraged single down and say but are you walking away asking the Lord to TEACH you. Are you opening your heart to what He is showing you? (I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted to hear that either).

I know I'm married and can't relate to that discouragement but I CAN relate to discouragement in general. I can relate to trying and trying and things simply not panning out. 

Heck I ran what was supposed to be my last marathon a few weeks ago. My training times were the best they had been. Through various circumstances I fell VERY short of my goal the day of the race. I was discouraged. OK fine maybe I still am. OK OK I can't even look at my medal. BUT I also learned what my 35 year old body needs to succeed next time. I learned the tweaks I need to make to my training. 


I was inspired the other day reading about Thomas Edison. Here is a man very familiar with things not materializing the way he had hoped. His outlook however was not that He failed, but that he was learning. 

"Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.”  

 Edison tried over 9,000 times to create the light bulb but with each failed attempt he walked away with having LEARNED something. 

"I have not failed. I have simply found 10,000 ways that don't work."

 Edison did not view his many attempts as failure but instead as an inevitable part of his process. Scripture TELLS us we are a work in the making. There is no way of " getting around " the process.


Lets walk away from our discouragements this year without failing to learn from them. 
Each failed relationship is an opportunity to see yourself better. Each argument with your loved ones allows you to walk away seeking a better understanding. 

Lets not look at our unmet desires and goals as failures. 

Lets look at them as steps. 


Maybe this wasn't a failed relationship for my friend.  Maybe this was a simply a step. 
Maybe my run wasn't a failure to meet my time, it was simply another training session, another step.

The importance of the background: a lesson from Rebel Wilson & Anna Kendrick

"In my home the most important light is not the large chandelier seen by all , its the night light no one sees but lights my way and prevents me from stubbing my toe" - Rick Warren

I love music. I love listening to it especially when I'm driving, and if I'm alone I'm definitely belting along with the tune.
In the last month I have been on the road a lot and a lot of "mash ups" and acapella stuff seems to have been in my ears. I enjoy singing along with tunes from Glee and Pitch Perfect because, for some reason they make everyone in the car feel like they can carry a tune.
This week as I was listening to a mash up sound track I noticed something. I noticed that those songs take a LOT of different talented people to get the popular catchy effect that draws us to all download them and watch the movies. However, without fail, every time I'm in the car alone, with friends or with the kids…every one of us takes over and sings the lyrics of the lead. What happens then is the effects of the song that make it so unique and effective are basically rendered ineffective. Listen...

 

What makes that song so beautiful and unique is the harmonies being sung to support the lead. Yet without even recognizing it, we each took over with the lead when she came in. All of us were in the car singing the lead and the beautiful melodies and harmonies in the back were ignored.

Don't we all do this? We fail to recognize that what makes Gods plans so beautiful is that each of his children plays a different role.
We each are designed to either lead in a particular area or support those that are leading. The support role is NOT a lesser role. The support role is crucial for the beauty of the plan to come to fruition. What if the girls singing the harmonies in the back quit when the lead took over? They didn't. They stayed on track and kept THEIR role moving.

Are you the wife or mom that feels like her role as supporting her husband and children is somewhat smaller? Are you the assistant that feels their absence in the project wouldn't be missed? Are you the college student looking to make a name for yourself in life? The associate pastor who is always behind the scenes? Stop and recognize that each role in Gods kingdom is crucial and needed.
Play the song again and try to only sing the backup melody all the way through. Beautiful right?


"All of you together are Christ's body and each of you is a separate and necessary part of it"
1 Corinthians 12:27

Love never fails ; a powerful reminder in an open letter from a lesbian to a pastors wife.

A few years after coming out; a practicing homosexual pens this letter to a friend who, along with her husband leads an evangelical Bible teaching church in the South. They remain close friends.

You really are THE ONLY person who has treated me as though Christ would treat me...through everything. 
Everyone else talked about me, judged me and turned their backs on me. I don't feel that way about you. 
Even though I know you don't agree with me or understand me, you never turned your back on me. 
I can never thank you enough for that. I am so lucky to know you and so lucky to have a friend like you. 
I would not truly know or understand Christianity without you and your example. You have no idea the impact you've had on my life. 
Again I'll say, I can never thank you enough. Thank you again for your words. Thank you for being such an amazing example. 
Because of you, I know what grace looks like.
Because of how you live your life and how you love other people, I know how Jesus did, too. 
I can't say that about any of the other Christians I know. 


"What if thoughtful folks in the gay and evangelical communities stopped shouting across the playground and sat down together? Glad I serve a God who loves evangelicals..and his gay neighbor equally and desires a relationship with them both. Hopefully we will desire the same" Joshua DuBois

The advice I wish I had received 15 years ago

"It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unending patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain”   Ruth Bell Graham


I have attended more than my usual share of weddings in the last few weeks as well as preparing to mark my husband and I's 15 year anniversary. Marriage has been on my mind. What it is and what it isn't.

Leading a church with a large population of 20 somethings: relationships, engagement and marriage is a hot topic and so often in my mind, misguided. 

I'm not about to write about how I have all the answers. Far from it. I can say however what I wish I was told before I was married. The one piece of advice that maybe none of us anticipating the exciting road of marriage and planning a wedding would have even listened to.

I was told marriage would be fun. MAN is it. I was told marriage would be hard. MAN is it. (harder to be in one with me than for me to be in one with my husband but I digress.) 
I was told marriage would be scary and refining and amazing. It is all of those things. 

The one piece of advice I wish I had been given would not have changed my mind on the decision I was making, but may have allowed me to enter the relationship with a whole different set of standards. What is this advice? The advice I will scream from the mountaintops to every couple about to embark on this journey and that I myself am still learning everyday.

That Christ will and can be all to you that your spouse can't and won't. I think we all know this in some degree but how we live it out is backwards. 

Often we look to our spouse to meet our needs. We expect our partner to make us feel loved, to give us an identity, to give us joy and comfort and patience. What we fail to receive from our spouse we look to our children or job and eventually to Christ for. 
Marriage will never be what it was intended if we continue to follow this upside down and backward formula. 

No one shows off their engagement ring to friends followed by "I know He will fail me at times but I'm not looking to him to complete me", or "I asked her to marry me because I couldn't think of anyone better suited for me to humbly serve expecting nothing for myself for the rest of my life". We don't say these things partly because they aren't exciting to say out loud and partly because we don't believe it. 

**A brief side note to the unmarried. Young couples, when you dream about your future marriage what is in those mental pictures? Do they consist of serving or being served? Do they consist of this individual making your voyage through life better or an opportunity for you to look beyond yourself? 

Choose the mate that points you to HIM. (but this is another post all together)**

I want to challenge us to mix up the formula we have been following. I want us to stop looking to our spouse first but look to the only one who won't fail us. Once we do we will have everything we need in HIM. Having our completeness found in the safest place. Freeing us up to fail one another because CHRIST won. Freeing us up to hurt each other because Christ has a perfect love. Freeing us up to LOVE each other without fear because the Love we depend on is without fault. Its a much shorter and more fulfilling formula.  He is the FIRST step in our equation of finding what we need . Paul Tripp describes it well when he says “If I am seeking to get identity from you,I will watch you too closely, listen to you too intently, and need you to fundamentally."
 Lets watch Jesus closer, Listen to Jesus more intently and need HIM fundamentally. It's then and only then we are free to love and serve and journey through life without expectation.

That my friends is the beauty in marriage that Christ designed. 

The legacy of humility

"We may convince ourselves we're about God's work, so we do everything we can to build that empire, forgetting the servant nature of Jesus."  - Mary DeMuth

      I spent a special weekend in November celebrating the 95th birthday of my grandfather. The party included an impressive guest list of over 900 people and included in that list were many well known names. Upon planning the party however my sweet grandfather would repeatedly proclaim "no one is going to have any interest in coming to my birthday". And he means it. 

    My grandfather has been the advisor to many presidents, He has repeatedly been on Gallup's list of most admired men and women. He has appeared on the list 55 times. He has graced the cover of Time and played host to world leaders and even pop culture icons. He has been given the congressional medal of honor and even been knighted.  To the rest of the world - he's a big deal. To him- He is a 95 year old man who loves Jesus. 

      My grandfather isn't interested in his twitter followers. His value is not based on who knows his name and how many books he sells. This used to be a problem we saw in the world but the phenomenon has leaked into the christian world. The problem of the christian celebrity.

      Ironically  while Jesus walked the earth, He had plenty of opportunities to become known, "to leverage His influence for the kingdom"* And yet, He didn't. He repeatedly told the people to keep his miracles quiet. Jesus gave us no indication that He would tweet about feeding the five thousand. In fact following that miracle he retreated to be by himself.

    I have watched, arguably this decades most influential evangelist stop to thank the bus boy for cleaning his table. I have watched him return the rented Lincoln town car for a less expensive Taurus. I have seen his 95 year old eyes light up when I shared that an unknown single mother gave her life to Christ and with all his strength loudly proclaim "PRAISE THE LORD". 

   Jesus teaches that the poor in spirit, the meek and the humble will be blessed. I am just suggesting that as a christian culture we have lost sight of the basics. We have excused "influencing the kingdom" to promote what we are doing. 

  I suggest we value fame—we call it “influence”—too much. I suggest we value size and scale too much. *

Where did we miss it? When did it become acceptable to promote ourselves and others while "claiming" we are promoting the kingdom. Whose kingdom is it we are promoting? 

  Personally I have been given a legacy of humility. A tangible, hand holding example of what it looks like to humbly serve the Lord in my grandfather. But we all have that example and legacy in Jesus Christ. I want to get back to admiring Jesus over those doing His work. And stop defining His work in scales and numbers and status' and feeds. I want to get back to becoming and admiring the 

" least of these".

Thank you daddy bill for being my "Jesus with skin on."

 "Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory." Psalm 115:1

 * G Pakiem

Can I stay with you?

         

"The juice goes out of Christianity when it becomes too based on faith rather than on living like Jesus or seeing and loving the world the way Jesus did. " (1)

        Someone close to my heart has struggled with addiction most of their life. Recently they were released from their second stint in an intense rehab facility and found themselves standing at the train station with a bag full of clothes and nowhere to go. Many of their bridges had been burned as during the last days before rehab they had resorted to stealing from loved ones to support themselves. A family member of the individual called and asked if they could come stay here in our home. My first reaction? Annoyed. US?  why are you asking Me? My second reaction? We are so busy, you know ministering to people. My husband is a pastor and giving our lives away is BUSY WORK. Third reaction? shame. If the day ever comes where my family and I are too busy teaching the gospel to live it...something has to give.

     The Pastor in Les Miserables instantly came to mind when my daughter said "what if they steal from us" and my response was "then we will give them more."  The loved one said they cried when told that yes, we would welcome them  into our home.

  Reading through the gospels I see a Jesus who loved people. Jesus didn't just love the lovely.

  Every person  Jesus invited to follow Him was a sinner. Every person Jesus reached out to was a sinner and MOST shunned by the "religious" leaders of the day.

The Gospel is full of accounts. Why? Because its WHO JESUS WAS. 

  He asked Matthew a tax collector to follow Him. He loved the adulterous woman and saw her for the beauty that she was. In the crux of His own suffering He welcomed the criminal alongside him on the cross to his kingdom.

"Christians are viewed by most the world as judgmental homophobic moralists who think we are the only ones going to heaven and we secretly relish the fact that everyone else is going to hell." (2)

  Where did we miss it. If we have read the gospels where did we see a Jesus that flocked to the easy to love that welcomed only the upstanding citizens and why are we so hated by our culture. People were drawn to Jesus by his love. 

  "Jesus NEVER called his followers Christians He called them disciples which is a scarier word because it actually means something.A disciple is a pupil follower. A disciple learns and grows by obeying and IMITATING his master. And Jesus made it very clear how he wanted his followers to behave" :

(3)

John 13:35 by this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another. 

Pretty simple. 

Are there times its NOT as simple? Yes. Sometimes "love" is hard to define especially when dealing with a proclaiming believer as opposed to the world. However I can promise you this:  If we can learn to focus more on changing ourselves to become more like HIM and less on changing others to look more like Him the rest will fall into place. If we become more aware of OUR need for his saving grace than we are focusing on OTHERS inadequacies, Christ followers may start to have a better reputation. Resulting in JESUS having a better reputation and our own hearts looking more like His.

The new houseguest is doing well, has  moved into a new place with some other Christ followers and working a job for a man who understood the beauty of grace and second chances. So proud of the work they have allowed God to do in their life. 

Are they ever going to fall? Are they ever going to mess up? Yep. 

And so will I. 

So grateful Jesus loves the sinner.

1. Steve Jobs

2. Andy Stanley

3. Andy Stanley